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Bombarded by nightmares, eyes open, eyes shut [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | the ramblings of a disillusioned broken doll ]
Eyes Shut Open.
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[17 Jan 2005|10:01am]
new lj pointcirclepoke  much love!
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Pills? [14 Jan 2005|12:54pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Hey I'm back. Wow it's a real bitch not have internet at my house.
I have a question for everybody.

Have any of you ever tried Diet-Tech? Does it work?


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[12 Jan 2005|01:09pm]

app <3Collapse )

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The light bulb breaks some times... [29 Dec 2004|07:34pm]

[ mood | blah ]

I’m falling apart again
Piece by piece I’m breaking down
I want to feel my blood drain out my veins
One last time to heal the pain

I want to feel ‘normal’
Some would considered me insane
One more outpatient after another
I begin to wonder if I’ll ever be the same

The feelings that I have
I can’t really explain
I wish someone knew where I was coming from
I wish someone’s feelings where parallel to mine

I feel I’ve lost it all
One more pound after another
My guilty pleasure haunts me
Why do I even bother

I’m falling apart again
Piece by piece I’m breaking down
I want to feel my blood drain out my veins
One last time to heal the pain

The pressure is too much for me
Why does everyone push me
I want to get better as much as they want me to
But I can’t control the things that happen to me

Someone tell me why life is this way
Someone tell me why people don’t get me
Someone tell me why my scars a ‘bad’
Someone help me out this one last time

I’m falling apart again
Piece by piece I’m breaking down
I want to feel my blood drain out my veins
One last time to heal the pain

by: Me ;)

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[10 Nov 2004|02:05pm]

Hey girls. I have just created a new community for people with any eating disorder. You can do whatever you want there. Post thinspiration, share tips, whatever...please join. I want it to be a safe place for us all to go.

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new [08 Nov 2004|05:42pm]
[ mood | new ]

well hello. i am new. i don't know how much action this community gets, but it sounded so lovely and perfect in the userinfo that i really wanted to join. hopefully, it is still pretty active and i have not missed the peak. ^ ^
applicationCollapse )
looking forward to talking to you guys.

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All alone with thoughts of you [21 Sep 2004|09:51pm]

[ mood | scared ]

Walking down dark streets and stepping into an empty bar. Sit in a corner suck down long halls and jack. Scribbling on paper images of how I feel and who I was. It's been months since I've been on my own. No one seems to see me even those that know me. I am satisfied to finally be left alone, with my thoughts with my heart. I've been mumbling in my sleep again, calling out. My roommate is disturbed by this he doesn't see how I've really started to feel. I don't even know how this happened. I can barely know you and even though you are so far away, I call for you in my sleep. I've hidden away tonight cause I don't want to see anyone, I think of whether or not to call and if the real pain of all this will be soon to come.

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[13 Sep 2004|10:37pm]

[ mood | cold ]

So I might get blasted for this, but I don't care.

just say if this isn't allowed and it's goneCollapse )

25 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2004|10:40am]

I have these two friends, when they found out I cut they totally hated me for a while. They yelled and lectured me...even when I put something in my profile like "you bleed just to know you are alive" I got a lecture. and my sn is "cryingxxcrimson" and o man...did that piss them off.
Well..these two friends are dating now, and all of a sudden they think suicide is romantic when it is for the one you love. so in their profiles they have all "for you I'd bleed myself dry" and "If you die...I die too, lovers suicide is how we will be remembered"
...wat the hell is that about? It just bothers me that I can't express how I feel b/c its stupid but they can die for eachother because its romantic.
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survey! [06 Aug 2004|11:11am]

Hi...I'm new here :) My name is Samantha...and well guess anything else you'd like to know is below :).

Time started: 10:50

Name or Nickname you’d prefer to be called: Samantha
MSN: automaticflower1@hotmail.com
Height? 5'6

Do you cut?yes
How long have you been cutting? almost 2 years
Are you ashamed to be a cutter? No
What do you use to cut? blades,knives,glass, safety pins,anything sharp I can find.
Have you ever done any type S.I (not just cutting) If so what? I've pulled my hair out, scrached myself until I blead, hit msyelf against walls,poles.
Do you wish to stop? Yes
Who know? My sister and my closest friends.

Do you suffer from any ED? Specify:
How long?
Do you wish to stop?
Can you think of the thing that triggered you to start?
Who know?

Are you an insomniac? no
Do you have any anxieties? yes
Any other disorders? I have been bolemic (sp?) On and off

Self diagnose yourself? haha yes
Are you on medication?yes
Do you do any drugs or drink? yes
If so: I drink...smoke pot
Favourite drug? Why? Pot...It makesme feellike nothing elsein the world matters.its a time where I am 'happy'
Favourite Alcoholic beverage? why? Amereto Lime...tastes good :P
And something you’d never touch? acid
Do you smoke? occasionally...not addicted.

Does time really heal all wounds? No
Ever been in psych hospital? No
Have you tried to commit suicide? Yes
Do you still have those thoughts? Yes
If you could choose how you’d die what would it be from? Cutting...bleeding to death in a bathtub..so traditional
What 3 things do you want to do before you die?Have a child and name her 'Haste'. Live a month in New York...give anyone who ever put me down inmy life a peice of my mind..
Do you believe in Hell? Sure
Where do you think you are going? I really don't know..things may one day change for me in the future.
Would you say your life tends to get better or worse or does it just stays the same? I get better, and then I slowly fall back into getting worse...

Last beverage drank:Orange juice
Last food consumed: cereal
Last time showered: this morning
Last thing you said? "thats missions! haha"
Last CD played: ETID
What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? Hurt-Nine Inch Nails

How is your relationship with your parents? Mom-not too good... Dad-better then me and moms...
Does it you if you are physically touched in any way (e.g hugged)?pardon??
What is under your bed right now? Books, a pillow..my journal.
What brings you to this site? That maybe I can find some comfort and help here.
What are you wearing? Jeans, stripey socks :), and a brown hoody sweater.
Where is the computer you are accessing this site from? In my room
Favourite color? Red and Black(blacks not a colour though...)

Tell me anything about your self? My best friends all live an hour and a half away from me.. the 2 friends that i actually like within close distance to me dont accept my cutting very well..I worry my friends alot..and I feel bad because of it. I hope to be a pyciatrsit (sp?) one day for mental health facilities, after I have helped myself...with the help of others...and become 'okay' again...in some ways. I love anything black and white...im a sucker for anything acoustic..I love roses,music and writing. :)
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[22 Jul 2004|12:25am]

Survey anybody?Collapse )
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[20 Jul 2004|11:33am]


newbie formCollapse )

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join [11 Jul 2004|05:30am]


join inthecut_
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woohoo [10 Jul 2004|09:24pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

I joined this community before I left Az to goto pa and be with my gf for 2 months.

Well I'm back now, i've been back for a few weeks.

Life is ok, i'm single now, lol basically my x hates me, never loved me, whatever. Her loss, my gain.

Lets see... I get my permit this month oh yah!!! I rawk lol.

Uhm i'm painting my room and furniture, basically wokring on my website, I fixd my comp by myself, there was a true life mircale.

I haven't cut in 17 days. I'm so proud of myself. I don't have a reason to cut without Michelle stressing me out (my ex) She's upset me a few times but not to that point, and the 1 time I was there I called my best friend and he talked me threw it and got me laughing lol.

Pretty soon i'm going to get new psychs and new meds. Again. Oh Joyous.

I was depressed to the point that I lost 25 lbs, ive gained 10 back. ick.

I dunno what to say lol. I hope everyones doing good. If anyone wants to be friends add me, ill add you and if you have aim or aol IM me mo0zikfreak16 hope to talk to you all soon.

Jessy James ^_^

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i've been here for a while but i think i forgot this thing.. sorry. [27 Jun 2004|02:17pm]


the member thing...Collapse )

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you only get one taste and for this gift we are graced.... [12 May 2004|11:56pm]

[ mood | angry ]

Why the fuck can't I get skinny? Can someone explain this madness to me? I mean I have COE disorter, but I'm been working so hard to stop. I don't want to be a fucking COE... Honestly, I shouldn't be complaining because even those I supposibly have this "disorter" I'm not to over weight. I only weight 180 and I'm 5'8". I've been told I could never weight that much and if I do I carry it well, but I don't feel that way. Not at all, and it sucks...

Sadly enough I've been thinking about how skinny I want to be, and trying super hard to at least eat under 1,000 cals a day. I'm doing alright I guess, but then some days my COE kicks in and I end up having like 2,000 cals and then feeling horrible about myself.

And I thought cutting was the worst of my problems. Now, not only do I have to try not to cut, but I have to try not to eat either... WTF

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[10 May 2004|02:55pm]

[ mood | busy ]

Welcome To All New Members!!!

Sorry I haven't been on live journal much and i haven't been posting. I'm much too busy failing all my college class, so not fun. Life has lost almost all direction not sure what to do. Failed school, dead end job, no money and have to find an apartment for september, it's all just peachy. Getting fatter no time to write or cut cause easy access arms is not a good idea (short sleeve work shirt). However school is ending for the summer so I should now have more time to write with you guys and post on my page. I shall be back to get to know you guys better. I do check my mail if anyone needs to talk or has something to say. See you soon


I really fell in love with the poem 'Unworthy'
"I'll quit bleeding from the stones the mirror keeps throwing"

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Members Survery [04 May 2004|06:00am]

[ mood | curious ]

Hi...My name is Zoey..Click the cut to learn more..

So..You want to know a little about me?Collapse )

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nobody likes me, every body hates me... [26 Apr 2004|04:24pm]

[ mood | sad ]

So I feel to the depths of the knife last night and this morning. They aren't that bad looking at all. Last night I stopped myself because I knew it wasn't the way I wanted to do things. I'm trying to stop cutting not making it a habbit again. Then this morning I got another urge and fallowed that urge. Then my mom came down stairs yelling for me and I stopped. Washed up and my arm and went and talked to her.

I can't stop once I stop. I need to lose 25 pounds in a month, or maybe two months, but I need to fucking great rid of it and I don't know how. I've been trying the slim fast diet and weight watchers and as soon as I start eatting it's over. I feel like I don't have control and that I can't stop.

Look at how fat I am:

I've probably even gained a few pounds since that picture. It's fucking gross and I hate it! Anyone got an suggestions on how to get rid of all of that fat?

8 comments|post comment

[19 Apr 2004|05:29pm]

[ mood | Hopeful ]


Care to answer my poll? (pretty please?)

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